nothing's changed, my heart still belong to you
Jaejoong's back collided with the closed door's wall, causing for a pained grunt to leave his lips. Before he could voice out his protests, a hungry tongue simultaneously invaded his mouth, silencing him, making him involuntarily groan at the back of his throat.
Rough hands trapped his wrists, pinning them above his head as he felt his attacker's body press against his, wanting, dominating and reeking of a possessiveness that if it weren't for the fact that things had gotten fucked up to hell and back, such display would have driven him to a state of unbearable lust. But right now, those actions only caused him pain and grief.
He knew he had the strength to push the man off, however, his body refused to listen to what his mind was telling him. It had been too long since he's felt those fingers and that mouth exploring or touching any part of his body. Even if he wanted to. It was inevitable.
He couldn't fight against something that he knew he desperately needed at the back of his mind.
Tears brimmed his eyes amidst the bruising contact, heart shattering with every fierce onslaught that the other man's tongue was doing with his own. He could barely breath from the other's kiss and from trying to keep his choked sobs from escaping.
Slowly, he felt the lips against his settle into a gentle exploration, yet still Jaejoong was having a hard time in letting the oxygen back into his lungs. Emotions of turmoil, want, love and maybe of hate was crushing his heart within his chest.
"Jaejoongie." His name coming from the mouth that he used to endlessly kiss made him bitterly think of nights long past gone. A forehead rested against his, panting breaths lightly fanning his flushed face. "Jaejoong, why did you give it away?"
He lowered his head, refusing to feel guilt for giving the symbol of the other man's love to a fan. "It was the right thing to do Yunho." He breathed in barely a whisper, voice mirroring the obvious pain that was flashing in his eyes.
The fingers trapping his hands loosened its hold. Jaejoong's arms slipped from the grip and he held his wrist against his chest, massaging the soreness that was present there. Suddenly, Yunho's fist connected with the surface a few inches beside his head. Jaejoong took in a sharp breath, the violent act startling him, feeling the growing fury in the other man's frame.
"The right thing to do Jaejoong?" Yunho growled under his breath and in an instant Jaejoong felt regret for doing such an act. The misery in the other's tone, it was ripping his very soul apart. "Did I ever do anything to make you think it was over?!"
So many things had happened already. Jaejoong wanted to answer yes. Over the months that they've been separated, a lot has changed. And even though his love for Yunho never wavered, somehow he felt that Yunho's heart wasn't his anymore.
The reminder of that woman's existence added to the weight of Jaejoong's pain like it usually did. "You have Ara, she..." he trailed off, not trusting himself enough that if he were to say the rest of his words, he wouldn't break down and cry in front of the other man.
He hated being weak. Yoochun often told him that he was the strongest person he knew and yet when it came to Yunho...
"She doesn't mean anything to me Jaejoong! How many times do I have to tell you that?" Yunho cried out, cupping his face, forcing those beautiful doe-eyes to meet his gaze. "You can't believe anything you've heard or read from fan accounts. She's a friend. Like Boa-noona is to us. To you!" he wiped the tears off the cheeks of the man he loved, his voice breaking. "Do you think I'd secretly fly all the way to Japan? To pester Yoochun and Junsu to tell me where you were hanging out tonight if I had someone else already? If I didn't love you anymore?"
Jaejoong met his gaze, seeing the tears that was also welling up in the other's eyes. "B-but Yunho..."
Yunho cut him off as he enveloped him tightly in his arms. "Do you have any idea how much it hurts Jaejoongie? The idea that you were finally giving up on us, on what we have, it felt like you plucked my heart out of my chest and crushed it with your very hands when I heard of what you did. And I couldn't even call you because you blocked my number. Did you have plans of torturing me huh? How could you?"
"I-I'm sorry." Jaejoong sorrowfully replied, wrapping his arms around Yunho's back, head buried on the crook of his neck, tears intensifying as he broke down into a sob. "I just... It's so painful Yunho. I couldn't help it. Every time I look at our ring, it always make me wonder, makes me question. Why am I even still wearing it? Is what I'm feeling one-sided? It hurts so much. And it only worsens whenever I read news about you. There's always something... written about you and Ara. I never thought I'd get affected this much. But you know how sometimes I'm too curious for my own good. And so I read blogs and threads, wanting to see what fans had to say about your relationship with her."
He pulled back a few inches as he looked searchingly into Yunho's eyes, giving him the clear picture of his tear stained-face. "There's always speculations about you two, saying how the group dates were merely smoke screen in an attempt to hide how much in love you were with each other. You're both too sweet on the set. You're happy when you're with her. I know, she's also my friend and I shouldn't be feeling this. But there's nothing I can do about these emotions!" he raged, hiding his face in his hands. "I couldn't take it anymore!"
Yunho palmed his cheeks again, lower lip trembling from the emotions that threatened to swallow him whole. He wanted to assure him for the umpteenth time that what he had with Ara was plain friendship when Jaejoong's next words struck him with grave remorse.
"Do you remember? The times when you were filming? You couldn't stop yammering about her when you call. Even now. I get that you two have gotten really close ever since HTTG started. But Yunh, that was supposed to be our time! You and Me! And yet you talked about another woman. I tried to ignore the pain and jealousy I felt. I wanted to be understanding. But there's only so much I can take!"
Yunho's breath caught in his throat as he listened to him with widened eyes, a sinking sensation pulling at his heartstrings.
He did have the knack of getting extremely giddy whenever he talked about his projects, the filming, the SM Town included, and whenever he called Jaejoong, in what little span of time they were allowed to have, he always talked about Changmin or Ara, mostly Ara because ever since the lawsuit began, he's been constantly around her. Yunho's whole countenance crumpled. Inching towards the other man, he held the side of Jaejoong's face before claiming his lips for a passionate kiss, tears rolling down his eyes.
H-how could I?
He didn't mean for Jaejoong to deliberately get hurt. He honestly didn't realize how stupid his particular actions had been. Now he somewhat understood the reason behind why Jaejoong did what he did. Shame and regret coiled Yunho's heart like an iron grip.
"I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry." Yunho chanted under his breath, lips moving against Jaejoong's own, tone filled with bitterness. "Oh god, Jaejoong I'm so sorry. I didn't realize that I was already hurting you." He pulled back and roamed his fingers all over Jaejoong's face, kissing him again once, twice, thrice, followed by many more as hundreds of apologies fell from his lips like summer rain.
Soon, the pain in Jaejoong's heart began to subside, his insecurities melting away. The way Yunho kissed him was solid proof, like he couldn't live on his life without him as he kept apologizing brokenly, of how much Jaejoong was still loved. Slowly, a smile flitted his lips as he threaded his fingers on Yunho's hair, their kisses becoming intense, their obvious want for each other resurfacing with vast intensity.
Their movements were jerky, hurried and filled with impatience, the trek from the front door towards the bedroom messy.
Clothes were shed one after the other as they hungrily touched each other's bodies, wanting more, needing more, mouth making wet smacking sounds as they kissed, sucked and nibbled, knocking a few things on their way in the process. Shortly after, they arrived at their destination. Yunho kicked the bedroom door open, their already naked bodies pressed flush, a thin sheen of sweat decorating them while their swollen lips were still firmly attached with each other as they made it to the center of the room.
The back of Jaejoong's legs hit the edge of the bed. He fell on his behind, grunting, but never letting go of his hold on Yunho, his arms locked securely around his neck. "Yunho..." Jaejoong panted, as they broke apart for a second to catch some air.
Yunho crawled forward as Jaejoong let his body slid upward towards the middle of the bed. "I want you so bad." Yunho rasped, hovering above Jaejoong's form before he swooped down and kissed him senseless again. Their erections kept brushing against each other as they grind and kissed, causing for delighted gasps and shivers running up and down their spine. "I love you Jaejoong."
Those words threatened to burst Jaejoong's heart with so much love for the other man. Tears misted his eyes again but it wasn't from pain any longer. How could he have questioned Yunho's feelings? Jaejoong laughed heartily amidst their intense make out session and soon to be scorching hot love making, the happiness coming back in full force. "I love you too Yunho ah. Forever."
Yunho pulled back and looked down at him lovingly as he smiled. "Nothing's changed Jaejoongie. My heart still belongs to you." He leaned down again and kissed Jaejoong with the same passion and love that he has had for him all throughout the years that they've been together. And Jaejoong thought that yes, despite everything that's happened, between them, nothing has really changed.
"How did you like the flowers?" Yunho sweetly asked on the other line and Jaejoong couldn't help but giggle as he smelled the bouquet of lilies that he received from the delivery man that morning as he looked down at the small opened box within his hand.
"You know, you seem to forget that I'm not a girl to be given flowers to." Jaejoong replied, hiding his elation behind a stoic voice.
He could practically see Yunho's pout in his mind's eye. "Yah! I thought lilies were your favorite flowers?"
"It is but really Yunho? Can't you be more original?" Jaejoong snorted, but then chuckled. "Just kidding. They're beautiful Yunho."
Yunho's smile reached up to his ears. "So you liked it?"
"Of course! But..."
Yunho's tone fell. "But?"
Jaejoong sighed and gazed down longingly at the couple ring. "You do know that I can't be seen wearing another couple ring right?"
There was silence on the other line, before Yunho's voice was heard again. "I had a great time choosing the right ring for us. I would love it if you could wear it but... it's still fine if you don't want to." Sighing, he added. "Well I guess it's better if you don't wear it right now. It might 'cause rumors if you're found wearing that when there's a photo of me taken when I was filming for Haru. I wanted to give it to you, but didn't have time and then I suddenly heard you giving away the ring you had before. Of course no one knows I bought such a ring after the filming was done. But just to be on the safe side you know? What with the situation we still have right now."
Jaejoong smiled, took the ring from the box and wore it on his finger. "Don't worry Yunho-yah. Once this mess is done. I'll wear it." His voice dropped to a whisper as he lovingly said. "Actually... one of the reasons why I gave away the ring before was because to me, it was a silent witness to all the trials that we've been through. Every happy moment or dark, bitter, painful heartache, it's been there. I want to let go of the pain, hoping that maybe we could start anew." Jaejoong sat on the bed, back resting on the pillows. "I want to start fresh."
"Jaejoongie we can." Yunho said, tone gentle. "And I'm looking forward to that day, when we will be complete again."
"Me too Yunho-yah." Jaejoong took a deep breath, feeling his tears welling up, hope enveloping in his heart. "Me too."
A/N: Lame attempt at trying a real!life DBSK but AU fic oneshot. Aigoo. *bricked fo layf* You gotta forgive me, I did it with half of my brain functioning 'cause of sleep-deprivation. Didn't undergo beta so it sucked pineapples. Oh my god. This is all kinds of fail T_T But either way, comments are still greatly loved and appreciated because HELLO! They are like my medicines <3333 Gah! Gotta go sleep now! Later bbs!